Tumeke bro! I’m now officially a Lion, got the jersey and everything!
Well, I was a Lion when I was in the reserves for the Wellington Lions, but now I’m a British Lion. Check that out! I asked my Uncle Turoa and he reckoned he’s pretty sure I’m the first guy from my whanau, maybe even my whole iwi to be a British Lion. He’s gonna check anyway, just in case.
But bro, we are shit as, eh? Well, we were pretty shit till I came on, then we scored a try straight away and then I nearly scored one using the old Wainuiomata sidestep, but we got through in the end thanks to a try from one of the forwards called Alan Win Jones. I said to the boys after, we should just pick that Alan Win guy every week, cause then we’ll win, cause it’s in his name. Win? Geddit? Oh, I cracked up anyway. Some of these guys have no sense of humour, eh?
This week I’m sharing a room with a guy called Brian, who’s from a place called Dublin. I didn’t recognise him when I got to my room and he was already in there unpacking his stuff. I thought he was a forward for a start cause he’s a bit fat and looks like an egg, but then when I saw him taking off his T-shirt, and it was half over his head and half on his shoulder and for a second it looked like a sling, and THEN I recognised him!!! I said “Oh, bro you’re Brian O’Driscoll!!!” and he got all freaked out when he heard my accent.
I remembered him from 2005, I even played against him for the Maoris. He was the guy that fell over and hurt his shoulder and then was on the TV every day sayin’ “I coulda died, I coulda died” and that other bald-head egg with no chin was up there carryin’ on like someone had nicked his last kumara. Funny, man. 2005 was wicked.
Anyway, I haven’t been sleeping too good cause old Brian has nightmares eh, he’s always calling out “Tana! No, Tana! No!!!” in his sleep and it wakes me up. And I’m like “shut up bro!” and then wakes up and feels real stink and says not to tell any of the boys about his dreams. I tell him it’s sweet as, I have nightmares about Tana too, from when he used to make me clean his boots when I was in the Hurricanes B team, which was before I went to London, eh. Old Tana eh, he was a crack up...
So this week we’re playing the Golden Lions, and the weird thing is we’re the Lions, and when I played for Wellington, THEY were the Lions. It’s like everyone’s the Lions! Out of it. Anyway I’m hoping I’ll get picked for a game this week. I see that Keith guy who can’t catch for shit has got “injured”, and so is that halfback guy. Yeah, right. I saw one of the coaches, Graham I think he’s called, has got fucked up ears, he was lurking around behind the team bus with a lump of wood after the game. I reckon the “injuries” little Keith and that halfback from Scotland got might have been inflicted by Graham, eh? Anyway it frees up a midfield spot for me so I might get to start. Will be awesome ‘cause I know some of the Golden Lions players from the Super 12 days. But if I need to kick goals we’re in deep raupo.
Pretty bummed out about the Super 14 though, eh? Man, if we have to play them Bulls we’re in the poop too, eh? Chiefs got done though man, probably best I wasn’t allowed to go up and watch it. A big chur to the Chiefs boys though, they were part of a record-breaking final. Most points conceded, biggest margin of defeat. Choice.
Righto youse fullas, I gotta shoot off and get some kai.
PS the picture is one Roman took of me the night before the game in our room, after we got our jerseys. He had brought all these spotlights and shit so we set those up and got some snazzy pics. He was crazy, bro.
Riki’s diary is ‘ghost’ written and interpreted by UNDERCOVERKIWI.