The East Terrace

Part II of The Art of the Six Nations by an 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling

Hello people of the rugby world, it’ me again: The 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling.   

That’ right, I’m not actually Will Carling, I’m just an 8cm plastic reproduction of the great man’s image. 

Well, what a fiasco at HQ last week. The silly old French certainly made a mess of things didn’t they?

Philippe Georges Saint-André was a classic French winger in his day (even if I don’t think he ever had a plastic figure made of him), but, salutations to the gods, he does seem to be having a poor time of it as a coach.

Last Saturday, whilst watching the French coaching team destroy all hopes of victory and glory, I know I wasn’t the only one among us finding the thoughts of Sun-Tzu on the very tip of my plastic lips. Very cliché I know, but sometimes things are a cliché for good reason.

What I am about to write concerning Mr. Saint-André was probably said by one of the match commentators during the game and I missed it. And if not, it was certainly said by Mr. Inverdale or Mrs. Logan afterwards. Either way, I cannot help but say it again: 

“Ignorant interference

In military decisions

Confuses

Officers and men;

 

Ignorant meddling

In military appointments

Perplexes

Officers and men.

 

When an army is confused and perplexed

The feudal princes

Will cause trouble;

This creates

Chaos in the rank

And gives away

Victory.”

I know countess fans of rugby football have probably been saying the above all week, but I simply had to blurt it out. Forgive me for my weary pontificating.

That’s it for now, keep checking back for more insights and sage advice during the Six Nations.

If you are keen on more of my fantastic plastic words of wisdom, why not follow The East Terrace on Twitter? Follow: @8cmwillcarling, @theeastterrace 

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The Art of the Six Nations by an 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling

The Art of the Six Nations by an 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling

It’s me again: The 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling.   

That’ right, I’m not actually Will Carling, I’m just an 8cm plastic reproduction of the great man’s image. 

Well, what a start to the 2013 Six Nations! Such drama in Cardiff.

Rob Howley was a great player (even if I don’t think he ever had a plastic figure made of him), but, dear me, he does seem to be struggling as a coach.

I’ve decided to do the most natural thing and start a coaching advice column for the likes of Howley.

No doubt, like all of your rugby fans out there, as soon as things started going wrong for Wales you immediately thought of Sun-Tzu’s bestseller ‘The Art of War’. I know I did.

So, without wanting to state the obvious, I do have to say this to Mr. Howley:

“When the general is weak and lacking in severity,

When his orders

Are not clear,

When neither officers nor men

Have fixed rules

And troops

Are slovenly

The outcome is

Chaos.”

Pretty obvious stuff, I know, and I’m sure it won’t be the only time he hears that this championship. But, I had to get it off my plastic chest.

That’s it for now, keep checking back for more insights and sage advice during the Six Nations.

If you are keen on more of my fantastic plastic words of wisdom, why not follow me on Twitter? Follow: @8cmwillcarling

I’ll be offering a special prize to one lucky follower who retweets me during the Six Nations.

Vulgar and crass examples of Rugby Football Union marketing: Exhibit #01

By An 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling

Greetings to my fellow rugby enthusiasts. 

It’s me again, The 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling.   

Nope, I’m not actually Will Carling, I’m just an 8cm Plastic reproduction of the Great Man’s image.  You can read more about me here and here.

Anyway, welcome to a new series looking at vulgar, kitsch, crass and poor marketing in rugby football union.

Our starting image is one which adorned (amongst other things) the cover of the 2011 and 2010 Six Nations Media Guides.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It ticks many boxes when it comes to tacky and cheap rugby marketing images:

• Group of ‘fans’ randomly (and not very convincingly) cheering something?  Check.
• At least one woman?  Check.
• At least one non-white person? Check.
• At least one or more fans not in official gear (France and Scotland here) as the agency producing the advert were unable to get rights from sponsors/unions?  Check.
• Vomit inducing ‘rugby is our life’ feel?
• Image not needing to exist at all as they could have simply used existing photographs of real rugby players playing real games in real Six Nations championship? Check.
• At least three people in image who you wish to punch in the face?  Check.
• Passionate clenched fist pose?  Check.
• Facepaint? Check.

Seriously, look at this image.  It almost made this plastic reproduction of a famous ex-English rugby captain abandon the sport he loves just so as not to be in anyway associated with the sport it is advertising.  

We plan to collect and mock such poor examples of marketing and advertising in rugby union on The East Terrace. 

We welcome feedback from our readers who have their own adverts or images that make them want throw their match programme in the bin or put a fist through their computer monitor.  So, if you have any email them to us at stafford@theeastterrace.com.

Oh, and don’t bother mentioning the infamous Irish ad for Guinness (‘This is Rugby Country’).  That pile of twee goes without saying.  We’ll cover that.

Let us keep our game classy. 

Tally-ho!

 

8cm Will Carling appeals to the BBC

Why can't the BBC show scrums, lineouts and restarts during its rugby coverage?

In recent years it seems to prefer showing (often pointless) replays rather than the throw into the lineout, the feeding of the ball into the scrum or the kick to restart play.

That's to say nothing of the often bizarre choice of angles for showing live action.  

The East Terrace's very own 8cm Will Carling did on column on this a while back that was massively popular: http://theeastterrace.com/8cmWillbbc.shtml

If anyone knows of anyone in the Beeb who may be able to help, please forward on 8cm Will's piece.