Irish international Keith Earls was lucky to escape with his life (and possibly even a fate worse than death) after being horrifically assaulted by Max Evans of Scotland during Ireland’s 32-14 win in Dublin last weekend.
In the 73rd minute of the match, Earls chipped ahead in the Scottish 22 to try and create a try that would seal the game. Whilst chasing the ball he was blindsided in a cowardly attack by the Scottish three-quarter who aggressively touched Earls’ arm.
Displaying great composure during the life threatening attack, Earls was able to wave his hands in the air in a manner similar to an association football player before falling to the ground.
Amazingly, the officials only yellow carded the Scottish thug. It seems inevitable that Evans will never play rugby union again. He is too dangerous and stains our great game.
Astonishingly, Keith Earls, despite having his arm touched in such a brutal manner, has indicated he wants to carry on playing rugby union. Such bravery!
Mr. Earls, we salute you! You are all that is good about rugby union.
The French Rugby Federation has revealed that they will reimburse any Irish fans that purchased tickets for the postponed Six Nations. The France – Ireland clash was called off last weekend due to extreme weather conditions in the French capital.
However, in a move welcomed by millions, Irish fans who attended the match dressed as leprechauns will not be able to claim their money back. Ticket holders will be matched against CCTV images from the stadium before being issued a refund.
“It’s time someone took a stand,” said a FFR spokesperson. “It’s tacky, unoriginal, not funny and must surely irritate any self-respecting Irish person who wishes to move on from negative and twee stereotypes. Most of all, we don’t want that kind of thing in Paris. We have standards. Also, if you are going to do it make your own costume and don’t buy one of those cheap off the shelf things.”
After issuing the statement the spokesperson shuddered in horror at the thought of the whole thing.
The move will increase pressure on the Six Nations committee to ban the costume from future tournaments.
By An 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling
Greetings, once again, to my fellow rugby enthusiasts.
It’s me again: The 8cm Plastic Model of Ex-England Centre Will Carling.
Nope, I’m not actually Will Carling, I’m just an 8cm Plastic reproduction of the Great Man’s image.
Today we take a look at the latest Guinness rugby promotion which has just been launched for the 2012 Six Nations.
You can usually tell a lot about someone’s taste from their love or disdain for Guinness marketing.
Some see them as well produced, inspirational pieces of film making capturing the spirit of rugby football union and the passion that surrounds it.
Non-Philistines see them as crass, tacky and exploitive.
Here is the latest:
Face painting. Golly gosh.
They used face painting, didn’t they?
A note to Guinness: it is IMPOSSIBLE, to produce a worthwhile rugby commercial if you feature fans with their face painted.
Painting up fans to look like Coco the Clown or John Wayne Macy is never a good idea. This advert lasts just ten seconds before bringing in the face paint. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can save it after that.
WHY SO SERIOUS?
And no, going for the Christopher Nolan ‘Dark Knight’ type filmography doesn’t work either (nor the ‘deep, tough’ voiceover), because it makes the clowns look less like Coco and more like The Joker.
Which I’m getting is not the angle Guinness is looking for.
In this video the English and Scottish fans look like they have a crosshair target on their face for you to punch and the Welsh fan looks like he just got knifed down a back alley and now is the unfortunate owner of a Chelsea smile.
As for the Irish fan, take a look at him. Would you want this guy shouting for your team? Really? I’d be embarrassed and start cheering on the opponents if he rocked up next to me in the stadium or in the bar and I was cheering Ireland on. And if I was a player, why, I do believe I'd throw the match.
I think the above image should become the defining Guinness/Irish rugby image whenever Ireland lose or do something wrong. It should be put up on the TV screens at the Aviva every time Ireland concede a score.
Heck, Guinness should have the free advertising. It’s so sad it’s brilliant. To cut down on Guinness marketing costs, we’ve made the advert for you:
Munster and Irish flanker Denis Leamy has conducted an interview of such hypocrisy that the English language is unable to adequately describe the levels of irony in the statements he has made.
To see the shocking revelations by the flanker, who (just to remind readers) is a MUNSTER player, please visit this link.
It is expected that henceforth the idiom ‘pot calling the kettle black’ is to be replaced in daily usage by ‘doing a Denis Leamy’.
The Irish Rugby Football Union have shocked the rugby world by announcing a ten-year plan in which they have outlined their idea to dramatically change the conditions of acquiring international tickets for their new Aviva Stadium.
With initial ticket prices for the Six Nations and major Autumn matches being set at a shocking minimum of 100 Euros each, the IRFU are looking into the possibility of progressing from monetary exchanges to actual 'arms and legs' by 2020.
"People often say when things cost a lot that they feel like they have paid an 'arm and a leg'," said IRFU spokesperson Conor Marsh. "We thought that perhaps, in light of the fact that people will feel like they are actually paying an arm and a leg for tickets to Irish rugby matches, we may as well go the whole hog and offer them the option to donate their actual limbs. The IRFU feel that with medical research advancing year by year, we could then go on and sell these limbs on to medical research institutions and increase funding for the Irish game and our wonderful Aviva Stadium. It's win - win for all."
To read the full article: click here.
Magners League officials are desperately trying to stir up a major controversy prior to this weekend's inaugural Grand Final in Dublin.
Sponsors and organisers of the Celtic competition are furious that the majority of the mainstream press media coverage leading up to this weekend's rugby action, which sees the finals of the Guinness Premiership and Magners League take place, is focusing on the behaviour and possible bans of the two head coaches in the Leicester v Saracens clash at Twickenham.
"Money can't buy that kind of publicity" said an unnamed source on the Magners League committee. "Everyone in our target market is talking only about the Saracens and Leicester clash. That's not what we want. We have to do something to reenergise the buzz around the Ospreys - Leinster game. It's the first ever Magners final, for crying out loud. We need to get it into the news. Can't someone in Wales or Ireland do something to spark some more interest?
To read the full report: click here.
The East Terrace awaits the media outrage over John Hayes getting his lenient six week ban for stamping reduced: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/rugby_union/8305958.stm
We are 100% sure those same journalists who were outraged over Mr. Burger getting a mild slap on the wrist from the SARFU in the summer will also be screaming blue murder over Mr. Hayes and his outrageous appeal.
They will....won't they?
Hello? Anyone?
In an effort to quell the rising controversy of inconsistent and often lenient sentences handed out in recent years to players found guilty of violent conduct, the IRB has proposed a new 'honesty' system to try and address the problem.
The new proposals would simply involve the IRB, or relevant union, emailing the accused player a video file of their alleged offence and asking them to view it before emailing it back with their verdict and punishment, if any.
"We need to empower players," said IRB spokesman Peter Williams. "When people are given responsibilities for their actions you often find that they behave far more respectably and with greater dignity than when they are held to account by someone else. The IRB feels that players would, if given these proposed powers, take them very seriously. After all, if they didn't given themselves an appropriate ban they would only be cheating themselves."
For the full story: visit scrum.com
Paddy Wallace, David Wallace and Gordon D'Arcy throw another bit of petrol on the bonfire of rugby dignity and style with this shot:
Is David Wallace auditioning for the next Boyzone or something? Paddy seems to be enjoying it far too much but at least D'Arcy has the decency to look a litte uncomfortable/embarrassed by the whole affair.
As always, the latest kit launch comes with some modern PR babble: "The new home shirt marks a return to a more traditional colour with a green ('Power Green') carefully selected to symbolize the country of Ireland, with its rich history and tradition"
Power Green? Carefully selected to symbolize history and tradition? Please. Cut the crap and just say: "We have some new jerseys to sell. Please buy them."
If you want to see some even more bizarre promotional talk, click on http://www.irishrugby.ie/21_18339.php and click on image 13.
If any further proof be needed of the negative effect of professional rugby on rugby's style and elegance then promotional shots and press releases like this provide it in spades.
Forget the Bloodgate scandal, the economic recession or the use of recreational drugs by top players, rugby's biggest concern is photos like the above.
Rugby needs a new hero to save us from this indignity. If you know of any likely ones, please let us know.
Rugby elegance where art thou?
To see more of our articles on rugby style click here and scroll down for the full list.
