Are you an idiot? Are you someone with no taste? Do you have no feel for real rugby but love gimmicks and plastic/fake things?
If so, you may be the kind of moron that finds kits like this (new from Edinburgh Rugby) amusing:
Oh, how Stade. How witty and amusing. How charming.
Well done Edinburgh, I'm sure this will help Scottish rugby be taken even more seriously by both the rugby public and the public you need to win over to survive.
Many people have complained that the Ospreys, in light of their resources, have had very little success since their creation a few years ago in the great carve up/butchery of Welsh domestic rugby.
We disagree. They have in recent seasons been amongst the market leaders in producing godawful rugby jerseys.
Their partnership with Kooga has been so innovative they even added lots of gold to their jerseys this year to complement the tacky 'fake tan and gold jewellery' style of many of their star players (Lee Byrne we are looking at you in particular).
However, they've really raised the bar with their press release for their latest abortion of a kit.
We'll let Bill Newton of Kooga say it in his own poetic way:
“This new shirt is particularly striking, and is a radically different shirt to anything we have supplied them with before. The strong sublimated pattern of swirling greens is a strong representation of the region, and being very much on trend right now I would expect that this shirt will prove to another hit with supporters.”
If I lived anywhere that could accurately be represented by 'a strong sublimated pattern of swirling greens' I'd either move or claw my eyes out with a chopstick. People of 'Ospreylia' take a stand before Kooga scar you forever.
We don't have an image to download yet, so to see the amazing press release and fantastic kit design click here.
What makes it all even more laughable/tragic is the Ospreys website is full of banners saying "REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE''. Well, wouldn't it help people from the region to remember who they are if they could stop having the team play in different outfits (and they are outfits, rather than kits) every other game?
We'll leave you with some previous sins against style:
Once great rugby kit manufacturers
Many moons ago
But for reasons we cannot fathom they made decision a few years back to turn their kits into something more average, inferior and mundane. It is something they have certainly succeeded at.
They also decided to give every team in the world almost the exact same jersey:
It’s sad, but little surprise, to hear that the European branch of
Then again, at least the Blues were not wearing this outfit:
Paddy Wallace, David Wallace and Gordon D'Arcy throw another bit of petrol on the bonfire of rugby dignity and style with this shot:
Is David Wallace auditioning for the next Boyzone or something? Paddy seems to be enjoying it far too much but at least D'Arcy has the decency to look a litte uncomfortable/embarrassed by the whole affair.
As always, the latest kit launch comes with some modern PR babble: "The new home shirt marks a return to a more traditional colour with a green ('Power Green') carefully selected to symbolize the country of Ireland, with its rich history and tradition"
Power Green? Carefully selected to symbolize history and tradition? Please. Cut the crap and just say: "We have some new jerseys to sell. Please buy them."
If you want to see some even more bizarre promotional talk, click on http://www.irishrugby.ie/21_18339.php and click on image 13.
If any further proof be needed of the negative effect of professional rugby on rugby's style and elegance then promotional shots and press releases like this provide it in spades.
Forget the Bloodgate scandal, the economic recession or the use of recreational drugs by top players, rugby's biggest concern is photos like the above.
Rugby needs a new hero to save us from this indignity. If you know of any likely ones, please let us know.
Rugby elegance where art thou?
To see more of our articles on rugby style click here and scroll down for the full list.
Nowadays the player pen photos which appear in matchday programmes or official websites are usually the most bland and vapid of things.
All the players have their mug shot taken in exactly the same outfit (usually the current sponsor infested playing kit) with exactly the same background or scenery behind them.
We here on The East Terrace pine for the days when these pen photos had a bit of character about them and weren’t so polished by the team PR office. When we could see a bit of the man behind the rugby player instead of some cloned gym freak.
Take, for example, the exquisite portrait featured here of J.G.M.W. Murphy of the 1958 Irish team. Look in awe at his spiffing cravat. Feel wonder at that stylishly Bryl creamed hair. You would never see a player looking that elegant anymore.
It is clear that J.G.M.W Murphy was both a man and a player who liked to present himself well. Indeed it is no surprise to learn from his biography (taken here from the 1958 Ireland v Wales programme) that he is a man of military bearing.
Compare that with a well known player from the modern Irish squad.
Look at that stubble. What kind of a way is that for a threequarter to present himself when representing his national side? ‘Tis truly a disgrace.
The 1995 Rugby World Cup is often considered the most significant of all the world championships staged thus far.
For some people 1995 stands out in rugby’s history for the emotive and socially historic moment when Nelson Mandela, adorned in a Springbok jersey, handed Francois Pienaar the William Webb Ellis trophy. It was a moment that united millions.
Others look back on 1995 as the first true world cup as it was the first time South Africa had competed for the title, having been barred from the 1987 and 1991 events for political reasons. Some reminisce about the 1995 world cup as the last amateur tournament, the last flicker before rugby changed forever and fully embraced capitalism. Others remember it for a strapping Jonah Lomu in his prime setting the sporting world alight.
We, at The East Terrace, remember it for other reasons. This was the tournament in which Canada produced the most shocking set of rugby jerseys ever seen in the history of the game.
If you watched the 1995 World cup and can’t remember Canada’s kit it is probably because you are suffering from False Memory Syndrome and your brain is, honourably, trying to protect you from the horrors of the 1995 Canadian shirt.
This weekend we'll be taking a look at what we think is the worst international rugby jersey of all time. We are pretty sure you will agree with us that no other international team shirt has ever looked so awful.
If you can't guess which one it is from the photo below then you've probably never seen it before. The East Terrace warns you....it is stomach churningly bad.
Make sure your haven't just eaten when you come back to view.
The East Terrace firmly believes that winning without elegance is not really winning at all.
It’s no good claiming championships, cups and leagues if you don’t look good whilst doing it. Such victories are hollow and tainted.
Sadly, there are very few teams out there these days wearing rugby kits worthy of champions. All the collars seem to have gone from the shirts; sponsorship logos are plastered all over player’s chests and squiggles and dashes of awful colour seem to be applied in a haphazard/random manner (England/France take note) all over the place. In short: things are pretty grim.
We want our elegance back. We want more guys looking like this:
Rather than looking like this:
Starting next week we’ll be looking at classic (and not so classic) rugby kits from the past and present in our new ‘Rugby Vogue’ section. Rugby Vogue will also take a look at elegant players from rugby's rich past that we feel modern professionals should be emulating.
The East Terrace is doing its best to bring the elegance back.
